This time, let's dive deep into a question that often goes to the heart of everyday life: What stops us from doing what we know is good for ourselves? I mean, we know we should get that report ready. Really shouldn’t snack on crappy protein bars because we feel bored or are in a hurry. And, definitely should be loving and understanding with our loved ones rather than short tempered and irritated. So, is the answer to the question external circumstances—perhaps the market, the weather, or others around us?
When we reflect deeply, we arrive at a surprising yet simple truth: It’s not the externalities that hinder us; it’s our own feelings. Yes, feelings—those powerful, often overwhelming emotions that seem to steer our decisions and actions. Some feelings can act like our personal kryptonite, not only holding us back from, but making it darn near impossible to choose even what we know to be truly beneficial for us.
For instance, like I mentioned at the start, these emotions might lead us to indulge rather than opt for what we know our body actually needs, to spend rather than save and invest, or to shy away from opportunities to connect with others. They even prevent us from writing that crucial email, starting the novel we want to pen, or getting in that 45 minute exercise we promised ourselves to get done everyday.
But where do these feelings stem from? Important question if we want to get ourselves to the next level. In almost 30 years of being a professional coach nobody has answered that question with anything but a list of external circumstances and obstacles: I’m stressed because I have more to do than any human being can possibly get done. I’m angry because she is being absolutely infuriating. I'm worried because of interest rates.
The challenge is that once you have the wrong premise all you get for your IQ is getting to the wrong place faster. So, you really work hard on having less to do. Getting others to be nicer and more cooperative. Increasing our discipline and willpower. Only to get even more stressed, aggravated and disappointed.. Because your feelings don’t come from anything on the outside. Nope, the answer has been staring at us all along.
Feelings arise from our thoughts. Despite this absolute truth nobody has ever told me: Of course I feel the way I feel when I think the way I do. Once you see this truth you get to the next logical question: Who is thinking these thoughts? Well, you are. That in turn, leads to an intriguing dilemma: Do we truly choose our thoughts? It may feel like we do, but philosophers and scientists, like Sam Harris, suggest that our free will might not be as robust as we believe.
Despite this, we can, at the very least, aim to guide our thinking in positive directions. The catch is, negative or undesirable thoughts still pop up. As do thoughts with the potential of being both life changing and world changing. I have no idea of how to predict what I will think in 5 seconds, let alone 5 minutes or hours. Neither do you. So, where does our control lie?
Our control is rooted in our understanding that thoughts spontaneously appear and carry feelings with them. A sad thought brings sadness; a happy thought brings joy. The power and momentum of these thoughts grow when we believe in them, when we think they make sense and thus put our heart and soul behind them.
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Consider this: You see a nice jacket in a store and get a strong urge to buy it. Do you really need that new jacket? It might feel like it. But does it truly make sense to you? If not, understanding that the feeling is telling you about your thinking and not the jacket can dissolve that feeling, immediately breaking the perceived link between the item and your happiness, satisfaction or lessened pain.
In essence, there’s no direct connection between external things and your feelings. The link exists between your thinking and your feelings—and it’s your feelings that drive you. This is a foundational principle of life for us as human beings. You live in the feeling of your thinking, in this moment. This means that each person does the best they can, given the thinking that seems real to them.
Now, I hope you grasp what I’m pointing toward. If you listen in closely, you might hear something new, something transformative. You're the biggest expert on your life, and once you see the underlying principles of life—the real drivers and barriers—you realise that you come equipped to figure things out on your own.
Seeing this clearly can lead to profound insights that arrives to your mind tailor made just for you. And it's insight that bring about real impact. This isn't about mere change; it's about transformation. Understanding these principles makes everything feel different—problems and feelings that used to bother you lose their grip because you understand their origin.
You see, what gives your thinking power is how much stock you put in it depending on the strength of the feeling. As you do that, the feeling gets even stronger and it turns the thinking you are doing into an almost unstoppable force. For good or for bad. For constructive or destructive. Luckily you can revoke that power in any moment.
Because just like the US, the UK, Russia, France and China in the UN Security Council you have a VETO for which thoughts you take seriously and thus act upon. Once you see that strong urge to buy the jacket or munch on that corn syrup gut microbial destroying protein bar, as a warning signal rather than just an uncomfortable feeling to get over, you can let it go so much easier.
Maybe even do a few push-ups and send some money to someone in need instead. Or get a fruit to munch on instead. A new direction of thought and you have a true win/win. Because the feeling is only connected to thought and the feeling is really the only thing stopping you. I cannot state it much simpler than that.
So, remember: It might be simple, but not always easy. Yet, every moment of insight you gain is invaluable, and if you listen you can understand what I’m pointing to here. Maybe be even hear something new and fresh that makes a significant difference to your everyday feelings and overall approach to life.
This is about transforming your life, not just changing it. Once you see it nothing really changes but everything is different. It feels different, it looks different. Things stop bugging you, stopping you and steering you in bad directions because you know the feeling is coming from your thinking and not the ”thing”. You are all of a sudden free to use and heed your own common sense. To do your best, to do what seems sensible to you. Rather than being janked around by your feelings they will instead serve as a wonderful GPS for your internal map.
Reflect on this, and if it resonates, remember, the insight comes tailor-made for you, by you. And it makes everything different in a good way ....
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